Sunday, 29 December 2013
happy new year
the year has coming to an end, good or bad things sure happened this year. I've met a lot of new friends, seen a lot of other's true faces and colors, be it good or bad, I've learn to forgive and forget any bad that has done to me. embrace only the good, oh I sound like Snow White LOL. oh well, things has become better and better compared to the last few months. Set a few new targets for myself to achieve, some of it wouldn't be possible to achieve in a few years time, oh well, it's time to learn to be patient! good bye and happy new year!
Sunday, 20 October 2013
New journal, new journey
I remember my last blog post was like, hmmmmmms last year or something? A lot of shits happen during these interval, and I'm no longer the immature brat (I hope) I used to be.
I didn't really go and advertise to the world that I got into command school, but I think you readers (Who are those who care) by now should already know. To be honest, initially it was my first choice to be in OCS, didn't really expect myself to be in other posting - I have very high expectation of myself.
But during the entire BMT, I came to realized that I have to sign-on to Army, if I get into OCS, for my family. (Because my family is not very well-being right now, and I only share it to person who I trust. So if you happen to know my family's situation, you can consider yourself important to me.)
Well, many of my friends were like "Oh, just sign on only! Instant 3k salary", "Officer sign-on liao la!", "Free education! Why not?!". I believe everyone has a dream. Signing-on means by putting aside my dreams, the future job I foresee myself doing, my interest and stuff. Life has already killed the dream I've dreamed. It's not possible for me to go for in the industry I want to excel if I don't have better knowledge of the stuff that I want to do. The only way is for me to go to overseas to further study, get more experience. But, like the army boys always say, WHERE GOT TIME?!?! Well, I'm not young like most of you all. I'm turning 23 in 2 weeks time. I have unrealistic dream, and I know, haha!
I've calculated the years it'll take to finish the bond, and by then i'll be 30+ years old already. Age does matter. Although everyone was just teasing me, saying that i'm old. But i know that i'm. The fact that I just enlisted army with the age of 23, means a lot, while the rest are 20, or 21.
Like I mentioned, I WILL sign-on for my family. My brother did too much for our family, and I want him to have a place to stay when he's out. I don't blame myself being born in this situation, someone else has to live my life if I wasn't here. Yes, I used to be very negative, when all the problems started, but when I imagine the life my brother is having now, my life is nothing compared to his. He has to sleep on hard cemented floor, while I'm sleeping on comfy and smelly bed. I've already calculated the amount of time, and money needed for me to get a house. It'll prolly be a year or 2 after I sign-on. (It's easier to get bank loan if you have a stable income)
It's not easy to stay in someone else's house. There're too much restriction, I can't even cook my own meals. (Only light cooking is allowed) I don't have extra space to even put my army stuff, shoes, boots. I have to throw away stuff like every month or so, to clear up space for new stuff. I can't even practice guitar in this confine space.
Let's talk about friends. I have very high-expectation on friends that i truly care about. I am extra-sensitive and I dislike myself for that. It's not easy for me, as I was an introvert when i was younger. So sensitive that I myself can't stand it, but it only apply to close friends. I found myself lose a lot of friends because of my behavior. I tend to be very clingy to friends, which kinda scare people off? I can be very angst. Those who just know me, sees me as a very cheerful, optimistic and friendly person (I believe so?), but well, I wish i could really be optimistic about anything. I'm basically a pessimist. I don't believe in success. I believe everything comes with a prices. I believe in meritocracy (As much as i hated meritocracy). But one thing I'm not pessimistic about, it's friendship. I believe I treasure friendship more than other normal human being. But like i said, i have very high expectation on friends who i trust. I believe friendship should not be one-sided. However, most of the time, i found myself the only party who made the effort. I realized no one will bother to contact me if I didn't contact them (Yes, this is what i call one-sided). Yes, i'm always the one who started the convo with my friends. I'm always the one who ask my friends to hang out. I get very disappointed very easily. I really do wish I could live my life by myself, but I got to clingy too easily like i said, and I will contact my friends even they do not bother to contact me. Well that's me. I'm the loser who always beg people to hang out with me.
Oh well, I don't usually write this kind of blog post, with no title, no structure, and fucked up EnGlAnD, I was just ranting whatever thoughts I have in my minds. Everything stays the same, if one does not make the effort to change it.
I didn't really go and advertise to the world that I got into command school, but I think you readers (Who are those who care) by now should already know. To be honest, initially it was my first choice to be in OCS, didn't really expect myself to be in other posting - I have very high expectation of myself.
But during the entire BMT, I came to realized that I have to sign-on to Army, if I get into OCS, for my family. (Because my family is not very well-being right now, and I only share it to person who I trust. So if you happen to know my family's situation, you can consider yourself important to me.)
Well, many of my friends were like "Oh, just sign on only! Instant 3k salary", "Officer sign-on liao la!", "Free education! Why not?!". I believe everyone has a dream. Signing-on means by putting aside my dreams, the future job I foresee myself doing, my interest and stuff. Life has already killed the dream I've dreamed. It's not possible for me to go for in the industry I want to excel if I don't have better knowledge of the stuff that I want to do. The only way is for me to go to overseas to further study, get more experience. But, like the army boys always say, WHERE GOT TIME?!?! Well, I'm not young like most of you all. I'm turning 23 in 2 weeks time. I have unrealistic dream, and I know, haha!
I've calculated the years it'll take to finish the bond, and by then i'll be 30+ years old already. Age does matter. Although everyone was just teasing me, saying that i'm old. But i know that i'm. The fact that I just enlisted army with the age of 23, means a lot, while the rest are 20, or 21.
Like I mentioned, I WILL sign-on for my family. My brother did too much for our family, and I want him to have a place to stay when he's out. I don't blame myself being born in this situation, someone else has to live my life if I wasn't here. Yes, I used to be very negative, when all the problems started, but when I imagine the life my brother is having now, my life is nothing compared to his. He has to sleep on hard cemented floor, while I'm sleeping on comfy and smelly bed. I've already calculated the amount of time, and money needed for me to get a house. It'll prolly be a year or 2 after I sign-on. (It's easier to get bank loan if you have a stable income)
It's not easy to stay in someone else's house. There're too much restriction, I can't even cook my own meals. (Only light cooking is allowed) I don't have extra space to even put my army stuff, shoes, boots. I have to throw away stuff like every month or so, to clear up space for new stuff. I can't even practice guitar in this confine space.
Let's talk about friends. I have very high-expectation on friends that i truly care about. I am extra-sensitive and I dislike myself for that. It's not easy for me, as I was an introvert when i was younger. So sensitive that I myself can't stand it, but it only apply to close friends. I found myself lose a lot of friends because of my behavior. I tend to be very clingy to friends, which kinda scare people off? I can be very angst. Those who just know me, sees me as a very cheerful, optimistic and friendly person (I believe so?), but well, I wish i could really be optimistic about anything. I'm basically a pessimist. I don't believe in success. I believe everything comes with a prices. I believe in meritocracy (As much as i hated meritocracy). But one thing I'm not pessimistic about, it's friendship. I believe I treasure friendship more than other normal human being. But like i said, i have very high expectation on friends who i trust. I believe friendship should not be one-sided. However, most of the time, i found myself the only party who made the effort. I realized no one will bother to contact me if I didn't contact them (Yes, this is what i call one-sided). Yes, i'm always the one who started the convo with my friends. I'm always the one who ask my friends to hang out. I get very disappointed very easily. I really do wish I could live my life by myself, but I got to clingy too easily like i said, and I will contact my friends even they do not bother to contact me. Well that's me. I'm the loser who always beg people to hang out with me.
Oh well, I don't usually write this kind of blog post, with no title, no structure, and fucked up EnGlAnD, I was just ranting whatever thoughts I have in my minds. Everything stays the same, if one does not make the effort to change it.
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